the color

today I am posting a poem instead of a blog. Posts like this will have all lowercase titles. 

You made me strip the color out
denial, anger, depression, depression
depression. Acceptance.
I got used to the
safety being off but no
bullets in the gun.
they're in the drawer.
you know, just in case.
But then he told me
as his eyes lingered just a little too long
and his hands shift from his keyboard
that was the one thing about you.
The one thing?
the one thing what?
that made me, me?
was I not me anymore?
you know, the one cool thing
the one thing people, remembered
In that moment I knew
I needed it back. The one thing stopping
me from fading into oblivion
So I wove color back into my life
feeling free once more
But always with one eye open
Never with friends.
And never without feeling something
But hey, I heard they stripped the color out of you too.
That was the one thing about you.