I do Not Know What I'm Doing.

I think the title says it all, at this point in my artistic career I have no clue what I'm doing. I wish I did, truly. No matter what point in my life I'm at I always feel as if I should be further along than I actually am. I'm 23, shouldn't I have a job in my field? Shouldn't I be showing work in galleries? The answer to that question is a hard maybe. I'm lucky enough to have a pretty healthy art practice, is it going anywhere? Nope, not yet. Do I get feedback? Not as often as I'd like to. It's weird to say this, but I miss critiques, how do I know if it's good if a professor doesn't put a subjective grade on my hard work? How do I know if something is successful if my classmates don't subjectively tell me my work is good or bad. 

I wish they, and by they I mean every artist I came in contact with up until now, told me that when I left school I would feel like everything I do is going to go nowhere, probably for a long time. I wish they told me I would go through periods of helplessness while I try to figure out how I want my career to go. 

I do know one thing, or I think I do, I want to create my own spot in the art world. I want to work hard and build something exciting and newish, I don't think I want to go the traditional route of apprenticeship or production assistant or working in a camera store until I want to throw things. I want the adventure of taking some risks along the way. 

However you've also gotta make money, so a day job is imperative, and odds are that day job is terrible. So I guess I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and hoping that one day in ten or twenty years I look back on that and say it's a really good thing that I didn't know what I was doing or else I wouldn't be here now. 

Until tomorrow

Peace,

Brianne