Once again this post comes to you from my commute, I suppose if I were to ever write a book of these it would have to be titled whatever the third rejected title of On the Road was.
I See the Same Trees Everyday: A Novella
Most of My Life is Spent on the Parkway
I Think I Just Heard This Song: Driving Deja Vu
Anyway, I digress the strange combination of events that lead to tonights musings were as follows; I got on to the parkway to watch the lamest dick measuring contest (in the form of a race) that I’ve ever seen. I laughed at the dick measuring thought and had a nice moment by myself, I promise I’m not the kind of crazy you have to worry about. I was listening to Shiver by Carolann Solebello and the song True North came on, a song about things I think about a lot. Family, Memory, Love, Love’s limits, age, running.
That moment plus the narrator of the song had me wondering, when I am the narrators age, will I be looking back on these moments with fondness? These kind of weird random things that happen and amuse me, will I even remember them? I sure hope I’m still laughing at absurd things. Am I living my life in a way that will feel like it’s full when my mind or body begins to go? I think if I think about my younger self, young Bri would be pretty happy with the way my life is going considering the setbacks I’ve had. I’d have a lot of explaining to do, but I think with some negotiation younger Bri would be okay with older Bri. Am I where I really want to be? Absolutely not, but I think I’m on my way there. At least I hope I am. I know I am proud of my convictions, and I am sure of them, which is an alright place to be in this world. I am lucky to have an incredible amount of self-awareness, which admittedly will get in my way on occasion. I like who I am becoming
However the idea of throwing your passport away to live the last few years on your own feels pretty damn cool. It feels like the narrator lived his life and now he’s letting himself start over, while his memory is still with him. The idea of running and starting over is so attractive to me, even though I’m pretty content.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I like who I am now, and I think future me would be okay with me as well, but I reserve the right to throw away my passport and start over, and head north.