I’m struggling this week, my birthday is Sunday, and my birthday always makes me feel kind of lonely. I’m not depressed just normal person sad. Melancholy is the word I believe. I have the art passion back, which I think is saving me from going into full on isolation mode, but my birthday and the holidays aren’t my favorite part of the year. It’s been a while since I had a really good one (last year is definitely in the running but that’s mostly because it fell on a Christmas party that made sure I had good cupcakes).
It’s also coming up on the year mark of when my grandmother took her first bad turn, it was rough before that, but around Christmas time was when things started getting really bad. I miss her. I resent her. I love her. I have so many complicated feelings towards her and the time period between now and when she died, I don’t think I’ve processed them all. I don’t know if I’m ever going to fully process or even remember everything that happened in those short months. In fact if you have friends or family that are caregivers you should check up on them a little more often, the Washington Post just posted an article about the trauma of caregiving (link).
Anyway, there’s a special kind of exhaustion that comes from working in the service industry during Christmas time so I’m going to go ahead and tuck in with some old school Greys Anatomy.