I'm trying really hard not to intro this without a sarcastic "finding yourself" joke, I would like to point out I did not make the joke just alluded to the fact that I could very easily make that joke. Which is either lazy writing or actual progress?
Anyway, I thought a lot about what I want to leave behind when I'm gone from this planet, I've been reading Tig Notaro's I'm Just a Person, and it's brought up some feelings about how I want to be remembered. A long long time from now (don't worry mom and dad). I've been thinking about how I want people to remember my personality, how they will talk about me; and how they will interpret my art. My art is very important to me. It's what I chose didn't I? I've been blocked recently, and by recently I mean off and on since graduation, with small spurts of inspiration followed by slowly giving up and then pretending it never happened. It's a bizarre thing being able to see everything you're doing, knowing it's a terrible idea or destructive behavior and going through with it anyway. I'm letting the art desert happen. I am almost excellent with structure, but terrible at setting it for myself. So I guess I'm going to do what I did in what I consider my most important piece and I'm going to write until some sort of truth and genuine project comes out of me, and I get it shown. First I will handwrite it in a notebook, then I will type it into this blog for anyone to see. While visual art remains so important to me right now, connection between my pieces is what I crave, so it'll be the written word for a while. Not all the posts will have to do with each other or with anything at all. I can't guarantee I won't stop doing this, but I can guarantee I'm really really motivated to continue. I'll try to keep it interesting, or at least sort of dramatic, but no promises there either. I'll write what I please, tomorrow maybe a rough draft of a fairy tale I'm working on, or maybe a list of the things I didn't say that I wanted to say to people at work. Either could be fun.
Anyway, I guess writing has gotten me through a lot of weird fucking times in my life, it's something I can do even if I have nothing. So for now I am seeking safety in the written word.