Mortal Peril Plus a Kind of Hope for My Immediate Future.

I am a massive Halloween fan, usually I go all out on my costume, this year I didn’t have a costume, but I still had a pretty good day. It ended with a drive home that was half of what it usually is during rush hour. Halloween is a good day. I walked from my car to the tune of Harvest Moon sung live by a band my new town hired to have a little Halloween party in the park across from the apartment, this town is kind of full of lovely little surprises. It’s nice. I don’t have anything really solid planned out today, I began to write three or four different pieces, but nothing really fit the mood I’m in. Is there a word for being half terrified half relatively content? That’s where I’m at right now. Just mortal peril plus a kind of hope for my immediate personal future. It’s fucking bizarre. I think things are starting to turn around a little in my personal life and that feels good, there are no capital P problems hanging around. Plus my mental health is relatively balanced for the first time in who the hell knows how long (and who knows for how long so I’m sure as hell enjoying it while it lasts). Then there’s this thing, this ugly political thing, hanging over all of us sucking the life out of all of us. I cannot be the only one who has to compartmentalize this shit into two totally different boxes only to be accessed when necessary. I think if I didn’t I’d just be constantly screaming, but like I said yesterday, I do not have the option of sticking my head in the sand. Please vote on the 6th, it’s kind of the only hope we have, even if you don’t love the candidates, there will never be a perfect politician, and at the moment, knowing the majority of my friend’s list, there will not be a candidate that’s “left” enough for you, vote anyway. We’ll have our turn.

Anyway, so that’s the mood I’m in. Half hopeful half mortified. I have a feeling it might be a semi-permanent state at this point. It’s very confusing and very bleak, but at least I’m consistent.