Back at my old stomping grounds today, in lieu of a planned hike which we agreed would have left us mostly melted and all the way miserable. I left the studio to find some water and came back to flats I had written my heart out on during my thesis year, coated in paint I had applied myself; and had also done a very poor job making sure my words had completely disappeared underneath my emotional erasure almost three years ago.
I am going to stop the story here to explain that they were four foot by eight
foot flats that I wrote in my handwriting (think 2 inches) and I covered one completely.
It is the most intense and rewarding piece of art I have created so far. It was all of me at the time, and I am very proud of it, and also thrilled that it is painted over so I do
not have to ever look back, it is my most treasured example of healthy detachment
Now that I've spent your precious time convincing you that I've let go of the art, I will also tell you seeing that thing again was like getting hit by a truck. The graffiti on the back of it that ended up there during my gallery 3.5 show. It was an old friend and enemy at the same time, one that will probably be the reason I end up with carpal tunnel syndrome some day. However after the initial shock of seeing the physical representation of my entire life, that I had, at the time painted over happily, I breathed a small sigh of relief when I saw that the most visible word on there was LIAR, I even laughed a little. That's how I saw myself back then, hell it was almost definitely true. I'm not anymore though, I try my hardest to tell the truth in my life and even more so in my art, and I think that that particular piece, as temporary as it was, is part of the reason I can be honest in my art and in my words. I believed a lot of things about myself back then, and to be honest I believe a lot more things about myself now, but the good things tend to way outweigh the bad. I think I will carry that meditation of thousands of words with me for the rest of my life, it got me to a thesis that was well received, it got me to a place of pure honesty because there was nothing left to write except the truth as it was with little embellishment.
That year the BFA program changed me as a person and as an artist, but that piece changed the way I saw myself as a person and an artist. So I'm glad most of my words are mostly unreadable, but I am also pretty glad a little piece of me will be annoying Photo 1 students learning lighting for years to come.