You know how I know this time this little "thought experiment" of writing every day is working? I thought about my "first line" all day today. What could I use to grab someone, even one person. When I wasn't engaged with another human I thought about the rest of the story. Let us all accept right now, while very honest, I am still a storyteller, this is a story. I think it was the decision to make this version of the writing project public, the other one was supposed to be, but it never worked out that way, and what's a better place than the internet to make your performance art seen? I'm not exactly sure that's how I feel about this one, while the other project had incredibly vulnerable part of me in it, there was no way anyone way anyone was going to read the whole thing and to be honest there was no way I would ever remember everything that was written on there. But I guess I'm leaning in, at least for now.
I've noticed I've been listening to less in the car than I used to. I used to fill it with podcasts and books, but after some crazy drama with one of my favorite one's a couple of weeks ago I started listening to radio again, and now just the five CDs I have loaded on my phone. They are traveling companions that for some reason I bought or went out of my way to download they've just survived the various phones and computer mishaps. My CD player in my car eats real CDs so I have to save the listening to those for home. Besides these tunes are comforting to me, I can leave and come back mentally and never be lost, I can write. I think what I'm saying is I'm feeling tentatively inspired and I hope I can make these pieces something. The bizarre thing is I really think I've just been meditating wrong until now and now these exact circumstances have led me to not have a choice but to just be. There is too much chaos in front of me and behind me so I really can only just be right now for my own health. So in the now I've been writing, and it feels good.