Distraught is how I feel right now, distraught and angry. I found out over the last two days that I cannot afford my mental healthcare anymore, as a lot of you know it’s been a very long journey for me, and I am just now after years fo trial and error, feeling consistently stable for the first time. My copays for my doctor went from $10 to $50 and my copays for my therapist went from $17 to $89, I was struggling to pay the original copays to begin with, so now I’ve been discharged from a program that has helped me immensely over the last year. I was told “no sliding scale if you have insurance, sorry find somewhere else.” My therapist tried, but once the administrators say no, it’s a no.

We do not treat mental illness the same way that we treat physical illness, and we do not take women’s pain seriously.

We don’t like to talk about money in this country, we prefer to keep it private, but at this point I don’t really care. I work full time, I have insurance, I make a little bit over the minimum wage, I work side gigs whenever I can, and I still cannot afford my bills. So how do they expect me to pay almost $140 to see my doctors, doctors that are essential for my health and well being. It’s impossible.

The way that we treat poor people in this country is cruel and criminal. It makes it impossible for those of us with chronic illnesses whether it mental or physical to live productive lives. Every little thing is a setback and every little setback compounds until you’re so drowning in debt that you can’t tell which way is up or down.

So I guess I leave today to mourn and tomorrow I start over again, and no I’m not okay right now. I will be, but I’m not okay right now.

I’m just so tired of starting over again.