I’ve been thinking a lot, and talking a lot about judging. Specifically judging myself. I often make decisions on how people will see me long before I have an interaction of significance with them. I do a lot of catering to people, I say the things that I know want to be heard or have to be said in order to keep their opinion on me. I also am well aware that much of that is irrational thought, but people run. They run when you are too much, they run when something you do scares them, hell I run. It’s easier.
I’m wondering if looking in a little bit and not judging ourselves so harshly would prevent the sometimes inevitable sprint in the opposite direction. Of course sometimes we are too much. I am often too much, and I’m trying to learn how to both balance and embrace that. Fear is such a powerful emotion, and it can be triggered by the smallest thing. I am stubborn and set in my ways, often I know exactly what is best for me and I very stubbornly do not want to do the thing. No matter how passionately the voice on the other side might ask for you to do so. Some days I think I am in trouble, other days I feel like I can conquer the world.
I want to allow myself the room to not judge things that I’ve done that I feel aren’t there to be forgiven. Maybe I need to forgive myself. Authenticity is so important but is it safe for the artist? Is it safe for the audience?
until next time