So I’ve managed to keep the blog up another month, which I’m grateful for because I’ve got a lot to say right now, I just got back from Falcon Ridge Folk Festival and I had a lot of time for reflection, a lot of time for thinking about where I want and need my life to go. Falcon Ridge is my favorite place on earth, so I use it for some tough stuff, I am safe there. I am safe with the people there. The beauty and community brings me up. I’ve been trying to keep this blog a little less personal intentionally lately, but right now I think I need to share what’s going on in my life, and relate it to my experience over the week, so if that’s not your thing you can click off now. I’m going to try to make the least amount of bummer that I can.
I’m taking a leave of absence from my job because my bipolar has reached a point where I cannot work, this is scary for me, I’ve never not worked. The only times I took off due to mental health issues was hospitalizations, and I’m trying to avoid that at all costs. So I’m checking myself in to an outpatient program to get myself some help, and I’m leaning pretty heavily on my support system right now. I am afraid. I am also having trouble reaching out. Here’s where I ask for some good vibes or maybe a text message or phone call every now and then, if I do not answer I am not ignoring you, I am very tired.
So that’s the thing, it is my reality, it has been my reality for a long time, and I’m getting better at dealing with it, now back to Falcon Ridge, if I dreamed up the perfect group of people to be surrounded by when I’m in crisis the dream people would not be nearly as good as the people who love me on that hill. My family at the Budgiedome gets it, they get how important community and love is. Arguably the whole festival has that vibe. The fact that despite the wild disassociation that happened on Thursday night I was still able to feel safe, if not scared, with loving hands on mine I was able to come almost all the way back and then go to sleep. It is not only about the music there, I mean it is, we are all there because of the music, but what connects us is so much deeper than that. We protect each other and hold each other up.
What I think is hard to explain is the intense processing and healing that happens over the weekend, its never all wonderful and happy for me, but it is so important to use that release of both good and bad energy, it’s important to be reminded to ask for the things you need because people cannot read minds, but they are almost always willing to help.
If we implemented the mentality at Falcon Ridge in the rest of the world it would be a better place. Love your neighbor, give them food or water when they need it, listen to each other, be willing to learn. Welcome them home.
I’m going into town for 51 weeks, I’ll be back soon